Today my eldest son Declan would of been 14. I write the same things every year, but it doesn't get any easier, and today I am struggling more than ever. It was Tye's turn to order the flowers and write the card this year and he 'phoned me from work to let me know what he had written, he couldn't read it without breaking down. It hurts me to see him hurting too. I know people say we were lucky to have him for as long as we did, but I am still bitter and always will be, it wasn't enough and I do want to shout and scream that. Your children shouldn't die before you, they just shouldn't. There isn't any solace and nothing that will take the pain away, and there are days like today when it is unbearable, when you look around and see happy faces and begrudge them. I don't really, you don't know what peoples lives are like behind closed doors, there are so many tragedies that happen in this world, but for the moment I am going to wallow in my own self pity.
Happy 14th Birthday Declan, you are as always in my heart.
2 comments:
sending huge hugs
love to you all xx
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