Who Pinched the 'HOUR' !!!!!!!!!

Ok who pinched an hour on Sunday and why wasn't I told about this !!!!!!!!!! Usually I hear something about this on the TV or Radio (more likely internet), but this time I found on on Sunday and was so totally unprepared for the fact that I had lost an hour!!!

This week has gone in an absolute blur, so much to do.

Thursday was our first class of this year, yes I know it is nearly April and I should of got my 'butt into gear' sooner than this, but better late than never. I now have a lovely lady Lynne designing my classes for me she is extremely talented and I think everyone will love doing the classes.

So on Thursday evening we had the first one, the LO was a double one with lots of intricate squares, hand cutting and stitching, I don't think anyone finished theirs lol but I think everyone will be pleased with the effect once they have.

The next class is even more gorgeous and this will be held on 30th April.

Then of course the run up to the All Day Crop begins lol, setting out the hall, marking up the stock, cooking the food, printing out the forms etc.

In between that was 'weigh in' !!! Yes I am still on a food less diet, and it is actually getting better, I am not missing food, unless you call an unbalanced craving for curry missing food lol.

I have now lost over 19lbs and am very happy with that, only another stone to go and I will be extremely happy.

My clothes are feeling looser and I am well on my way to fitting into most of my wardrobe again. Other than helping my self esteem, which has taken a tumble since gaining the weight, I just haven't cared what I wear, the baggier the better really, I am now taking a pride in myself and my appearance and feeling good about myself for the first time in two years. I am so determined to keep this going.

I even resisted on Saturday and batch cooked chili and curry without even tasting them, resisting all the danishes and carrot cake was hard, but I have my goal and my hand whisk. lol

Saturday was lovely, I am so lucky to have met so many wonderful people through scrapbooking and once the setting up is all over I love to have a chat with everyone.

I am now in a tis about finishing a Teacher book that I promised to do, but forgot that school breaks up on Wednesday!!!! somehow I had Friday in my mind, oh well that will be this afternoon's job.

Then I am having a well deserved break and visiting my parents and of course my bestest friend Helen who means so much to me, we are travelling by train, not sure about the journey, but there are no stops and we have seats and a plug socket!! so hopefully that will keep Connor amused.

12 YEARS OLD

That is how old my eldest son Declan should of been today, and the only present I can buy him is as usual a display of flowers. Feeling very bitter at the moment, parents should not outlive their children.

Sorry to anyone who has clicked on here, it is just me venting my feelings at the moment, not after any sympathy so please don't think that. Writing stuff down helps me.

Today has been a strange day, Tye has been off work and Connor was off school sick, I went into work, not sure where the best place to be was, but I couldn't sit and stare at the walls, too many memories coming back to haunt me. Don't get me wrong I have some wonderful memories of Declan, he was such a strong character, and make us laugh, but not today, today should of been a day of celebration, presents, birthday cake with candles, having the dreaded friends round or dragging them all off to the cinema, anything but sitting here empty thinking of what should of been and what was cruelly taken away.

Memory is such a funny thing, sometimes I forget things and I often put strange things in the fridge, like a hairbrush or book, I just forget where I am going. 10th March is burned into my memory forever, I can remember every little detail.

It is so strange, just watching the world go by today, I don't actually feel a part of it, nor do I want to be a part of it at the moment. Anniversaries are a good time to let go, usually I hold my self so tight, all the grief is like a little box inside that you keep the lid on and when the lid slips it hurts like hell.

I lost my beloved Casey last November, he was my last link to Declan, he saved my life, literally, I had nothing to live for after losing Declan, or it felt that way, and Casey saved me, was always there.

There aren't many words this year just lots of unbearable pain, things going through my head, life's not fair, it shouldn't be this way etc, but life is like that for lots of people, you don't know what is happening in any one's life.

Today, I bumped into a mother and daughter who I see quite often and say hello to, both are lovely very friendly and sweet, but that is all I know about them, today I found out that the mother had lost one of her daughter's and her son, and of course the daughter a sister and brother you just don't know who else is suffering, what happens behind closed doors in other peoples lives.

One of my pet hates is 'I know how you feel', I would never dream of saying that to anyone, even someone that had been in a similar situation to me, everyone feels differently, everyone reacts differently and no one can know how someone else is feeling.

Happy 12th Birthday sweetheart xx

DIET

I know I am not exactly obese, but I am overweight for myself, and I feel uncomfortable in my clothes and unhappy in myself. I have tried to do something about this for a while now, but for some reason I have not had the willpower, which surprises me. Usually when I make up my mind to do something, I do it. I give up chocolate every other year for the WHOLE year and that takes most of my will power. I have been doing this for 10 years and have only failed once which was when we went to America.

So where has the will power gone? I am carrying more weight than I have ever carried and I am not sure whether this is it, but I usually start well on a Monday but by Tuesday afternoon I cheat and have a cake or a chocolate bar and of course once you've had one, what a few more!!! This is the usual analagy I use when opening a packet of biscuits, I eat two or three then worry that the rest of the packet will get lonely and scoff the lot!!!

I LOVE FOOD!!! that is my downfall, my mother bless her always cooked big meals, not that my parents were overweight, nor were my brother and I as kids and of course I am from the generation where you were told you 'couldn't leave the table till you had finished everything on your plate'. Well my plates are huge and I am still finishing everything on my plate!!!!!

I recently watched the Paul Mckenna programme and it was interesting, he was saying that you should chew your food at least 20 times before you swallow it and put your knife and fork down in between bites. All well and good but I can only see this slowing me down because I would have jaw ache long before the plate was empty!!!!!

I love cupcakes, chocolate, Indian curries and Italian, really I don't care I just love my food.

I decided that I needed a regimented diet, something that was made up for me and all I had to do was take it. All this weighing out of the food would be no good, as I know I would cheat on the measurements or a points system would mean that I would eat only the things I liked!!!

So two lovely ladies at one of my all day crops recommended the 'Cambridge' diet!! They have lost a lot of weight on it, so with a deep breathe I looked into this.

Firstly I found a representative in my area, she is a lovely lady and very supportive, she doesn't know what she has taken on with me though, mind you after about 12 cryptic emails I think she might now!!! LOL

Then I had to get my Doctor to sign a form saying that I was medically fit to do the diet, well this one proved a bit more difficult, I am in the process of changing my meds at the moment (that's another story, me being general guinea pig) and take about 16 pills a day. The Doctor was not happy, but I did pull the depression card slightly and she signed the from!!

Well its true!! it is depressing me that I had to buyer a bigger size. I had to sit in the changing room and cry for 5 Min's before taking a deep breath and taking the larger sized trousers to the Till. I felt very sorry for the poor woman behind it as I literally flung the trousers down and didn't say a word, she must of thought I was the most miserable person going.

OK so I found a representative and had the Doctors form signed. I then had to buy my food (when I say food I mean this in the loosest form of the word), the diet starts off with whats called 'sole source'. Which is basically NO FOOD!!! Once she'd picked me up off the floor, she explained that it was liquid packets, either porridge (which makes me gag, so that one was out) shakes and soups. OK I thought shakes and soups, not too bad.

She weighed me and usually I don't weigh myself, I know I've put weight on when it takes me 20 Min's of lying on the bed like a teenager to get the zip up on my jeans, I don't need the numerical proof in front of my eyes. Then even worse I had to pose for the 'before' photo!!

So off home, I went with lots of leaflets, my weigh in card and a box of my 'meals' for the next week. She did mention that you NEED a hand mixer!!! OK I didn't have one but it only took me two days to realize that she wasn't kidding and drive into town to buy one!! OMG the fist milkshake was disgusting, I was trying to whisk it up with a fork and it was full of lumps. The lunchtime soup made me gag, my own fault because I didn't read the instructions about mixing it into a paste first, then pouring in more hot water and it was full of powder granules. I forgot to mention that you also have to drink 2.25 litres of water a day!! I will not be venturing far away from a bathroom anytime soon.

So with a hand whisk the milkshakes and soups taste moderately better, the milkshake still has that protein taste, and soups don't really have a taste, but they are all in little packets, measured out for you, so this is what I had been looking for.

It got easier as the week went on, but then Tye was away so I was only cooking for Connor, the smell of the food in the fridge, made me want to eat everything in it for the first few days, but my will power kicked in (wondered where the hell that had got too). The water proved difficult at first and not having my cup of tea, I did try it black but OMG YUK!!

I went back on the Thursday for my weigh in, holding my breathe, and of course wearing light clothing (not jeans). I gingerly stepped onto her scales - I had lost 4kg (OK I know most people work in stones and pounds, but I always have that thing in the back of my mind that you should be 9 st!!! I don't know where it came from but apparently to my mind it is the perfect weight and as I am just under 5'8" I am never going to achieve that without looking like an emaciated skeleton) so I work in Kilo's then I never know if I am too far away from the 9 st, OK I can't kid myself that at the moment I am miles away, but Kilo's it is. Anyway getting back to the 4kg, that means I have lost 8.8lbs as it is apparently 2.2kg to the lb. YAY

So now the shakes are 'the best thing since sliced bread' (yeah right!!!), but hey ho I am losing the weight and sticking to it.

This weekend was tough, Tye was back and bless him he cooked for himself and Connor, although this did consist of 'phoning for dinner Saturday night, 'Chinese'!!! The smell drove me made but they did go and eat it away from me and cleared up all the remains from the kitchen.

I have sadly marked up all my bottles of water with dates so that I know I have to drink the whole bottle and I do carry it around with me!!! (no analysis on this one please, I know I am mad).
My clothes feel slightly looser and apparently I have lost 1.5" from my waist, so I am going to stick with it. I wont lie and say it is easy, it's not, I am not keen on the taste of either the milk shakes (which do come in a number of different flavours to dilute the protein taste) or the soups which only have a hint of a flavour, but what in this world comes easy and I have only myself to blame for overeating and overindulging in chocolate and cakes....

OMG Where has the Year got too ....

I cannot believe it is March already and I was so going to be good this year and blog everyday, which is probably better for anyone who reads this that I haven't been as it would be extremely boring!!!!

This year has been extremely long so far, Tye started his new job, and seems to be away more than he is here. He is really enjoying it though so I am happy for him, he seems to be jet setting all over, from Germany to Cyprus and possibly Afghan soon.

The kittens are growing up and no longer have chubby little round faces, they are getting pointy now, but are still very cute and very mischievous. Shadow has used up another of his lives, he decided to hang himself from Connor's PE bag on the stairs and was only lucky that I had forgotten something and came downstairs to see him choking. He is fine now, he lost his voice for a couple of days due to bruises larynx but has made a perfect recovery and is now very loud.

They have now developed their own little characters, Shadow is very load and purrs if you just look at him, but is quite shy outside and comes running in at the slightest noise.

Odyssey is very outgoing she wants to see everything that is happening and be into everything, she purrs too but only when she comes to you for attention.

Bagheera is beginning to accept them, although he still bats them across the room if they get too close.

Callaway is still sulking, but she will actually eat at the same place as them, so I am hopeful that maybe in a 'year' or two she may take to them.

After three years of beating my head against a brick wall, I think I am finally getting somewhere with Connor's school, mind you it is just in time for him to move up to Secondary School!!!

The business is still doing well, and I am enjoying my weekly crops and of course the monthly marathons.