Time

I am forever blogging about this, or rather lack of it lol



Well, Friday my cat Bagheera was attacked and came in with his stomach hanging off, quick trip to the vets revealed that he had been attacked and I had to take him back for surgery on Saturday.



He is recovering quite well now after being stitched from his groin to his chest and looking very miserable at having to wear a cone collar!!!

Is it me or does everyone spent their day dashing from one place to another !!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was one of those days, it was meant to be quiet, normal 9am school start, then work from 9am till 1pm the set up the hall for my club then pick Connor up from school, make some dinner Tye would then take Connor to football practise and I would go and relax and run my club.

Ok Connor wanted to walk with his friends so had to drop him off at friends house as 8.20am. Friends mother asked if I could take one of her sons home after school as she had sports with the other one, not a problem as she is a friend and lovely person and her sons are as good as gold.

So now at work early, and have to find cheap B&B's in London for one of the soldiers, ok task in itself, is there such a thing? Managed to find a few and then couldn't find the military code for the discount off the London Eye, so sent out emails for help and searched.

Went and set up the hall, which took a bit longer than expected, then got home to find that I had had quite a few orders so started packing those up, then had a 'phone call from the vets to say that I could go and collect my Casey's remains, which reduced me to a blubbering mass again.


Managed to pull myself together only to find half the things on the order were still down in the stock room, and it was time to pick up the kids!!! So dragged the kids to the stock room to finish the orders, then home to pack them up, then to the post office and then to the vets!!

I didn't actually know what to say at the vets just told the new receptionist I had come to collect Casey, they obviously couldn't find a dog pick up and asked my name whereupon I received a hushed ohhh and she handed me a carrier bag, ok manged to get back into the car and blub quietly as I had two kids in the back.

Dropped of the first child then got my back and tried to get him into football kit, phone call from Tye saying that he had not yet left work and I would have to take Connor to football and he would pick him up, ok deep breath and try not to get annoyed with husband as it was not his fault!!!!

Came back downstairs to find Connor hugging the box of Casey and crying his eyes out, so massive hugs and talks on how it was for the best whilst trying to pull shin pads onto him.

Managed to get him to football and leave him and get back just in time to finish setting up for the club.

Suddenly remember that I had been a very bad mother and not only forgot an appointment with a new piano teacher, but also forgot to feed said child!!!!!!

Luckily Tye fed them both on pizza on his return!!!!!

Today is going slightly quieter I now just need to find the mess I call a home after yesterday!!!

Casey's box is beautiful, all pine carved and with a plaque with his name engraved on the top, I didn't expect all this, the vet arranged it all for me, but it is beautiful.

Things are getting back to everyday life, not to say I am not still bursting into tears, whenever I find a toy or think I see Casey out of the corner of my eye, but I am as usual coping.

I have found over 600 photo's of my boy, I am so pleased that I snapped him at every opportunity, unfortunatley the only ones I have of him and I are the self taken ones I took of him on our last day, as usual I seem to be always behind the camera.

I have found a book and am now sorting papers and embellishments to do justice to my memory book of Casey.

I hate winter, I hate the dark nights the wet and cold and it seems to change everyone's mood, although I love Christmas, mind you this years will be strange but my 10 year old still believes, or kind of believes so we will have a lovely time.

A couple of weeks ago I made what I named a 'mish mash' book and it was the first creative thing I had done for a long time, so I was really pleased with myself.

I did show people and they said they liked it so I have now put it on sale in the shop and it is going really well. The papers in the book are Basic Grey Granola, chipboard shapes and stickers, you gotta just love BG !!!! LOL

I also made 40 Halloween bags for Connor's cub group, which I will put up a photo for later.

I have been busy trying not to order new stock, but there are such scrummy things out there at the moment that it is hard, I do have some gorgeous Teressa Collins papers and BIA covers coming soon, and need to get some more 'pink' BIA's as they just flew out.

I am really into Prima at the moment, their embossed books, and new Lollipop flowers are just scrummy.

Our last all day crop this year is December 13th, and I am looking forward to this one, I have lots of things planned including a Raffle and more challenges, lots of Christmas music, and Christmas hats etc

Of course we have our Christmas Tuesday crop which we do a secret, non scrapping Santa, and Santa sometimes brings the presents!!!!

Oh well the beginning of another week, it is cold wet and miserable and I so wanted to crawl back under my duvet this morning, especially as Connor was playing at being ill, but I had to remind myself that I am a responsible adult and mother, so was very firm and got him to school for 8am.

It is not right that school should start at 8am, but our school in their 'wisdom' decided to move the Gymnastics club to 8am on a Monday!! So we dragged ourselves out of bed!!!

Four Days on

Well I am now four days on, and still bursting into tears, still avoiding going home from work to an empty house.

I didn't realize how much I depended on him and how much my life revolved around him, after work, I would go home and he would be waiting 'on the sofa' for me. I would take him out and we would have a lovely wonder through the woods, or a quick one if it was raining lol.

I would then get on with my emails and paperwork and he would curl up on my feet under the dining room table or in the workshop.

He was the last person I said goodnight to every night, and I am still saying it. I have given away all his food, but cannot bring myself to wash his bed and blanket yet.

Apparently he goes to the crematorium on Monday and then I will get his ashes back the following Monday, hopefully Tye or Connor will be able to come with me to do this.

Why is it that with all the memories we have we do not remember feeling, I spent that last day with my arms wrapped around him most of the day, and when the vet gave him the injection and when he had gone I just held him in my arms, but cannot I remember the feeling of his warm fur or wet nose, NO, all this is ripped away from us.

My next post will be better, I will of at least pulled myself together, I am sorting out photos, and writing down things he used to do, and that we all did together.

RIP

Rest in Peace my beautiful Casey Dog

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Today I had to have my beloved dog Casey put to sleep. He has been unwell for a couple of years now having had a tumor removed and chronic rheumatism, being on pain killers daily. For the last week he has not been eating and usually he drinks lots of water due to the pills, but he has not been drinking, he was losing control of his bladder which I knew the side effects of the pills where that his kidneys would shut down. We have had two extra years than we thought with him and for this we are grateful.

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We bought Casey just after we lost our son Declan, we found him on a farm and there were six of them, Casey was the one that went up to Tye and laid his head on his knee and looked at him, we just had to have him.

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We were going through a horrible time, trying to come to terms with the loss of our son, Casey was a god send, we could each take him out for long walks just to think, he never minded how often I cried into his soft coat and would always try to lick away my tears.

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When we moved to Germany we had to leave him for two years with my parents, but I knew they loved him as much as we did and he would be well looked after. After two years we brought him over to Germany with us.

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He was almost 12 years old and I think he had a good life I would like to think that we made him as happy as he made us.

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We had always planned to be together when he had to go, but unfortunately Tye was away and couldn't make it back and Connor had been invited to a friends to play, which I thought was better for him, Connor gave him a big hug and told him he loved him before he went.

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The task fell to me to take him to the vets, all this afternoon I have just sat and hugged him, and told him how much I loved him and how wonderful he had made my life and how much I owed him, after Declan died and life didn't seem worth living he pulled me through, I owe so much to him.

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Its all well and good telling yourself that you are doing the right thing, when I took him into the vets he took one look and said it was the right decision, it was very quick and painless, and I held him in my arms whilst the vet gave him the injection, and looked into his eyes and said goodbye, I told him how much we all loved him and thanked him for being in our lives, as the liquid went in I just wanted to scream 'stop, please don't do this' but it was what was best for him, that is the second time now that I have had to do this.

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I decided on a cremation for him as I couldn't' bear to have left him when we were posted, we will get a box with his ashes in it and I know it is morbid but seemed the best way, I may even sprinkle his ashes next time I go home on the beach which is one of the places he loved, one of his favourite things was chasing the sea gulls.

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I am not religous but I hope that he is now at peace and chasing the seagulls to his hearts content.

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I love you Casey and you will always be in my heart and a peace of my life, I will never forget you boy.