Sad

I thought I was coping ok, I am fascinated with time so keeping busy is always my motto, and I have been holding it together, keeping my mood swings under control, feeling really low but handling it as always, nothing else you can do.

I have just ordered flowers for Declan, the Florist that I used to use closed down, which I know its a minor thing but it was a big deal for me, it was like another part of my life slipping away, they had always sent flowers for me and walked them up to the graveyard, but today I took a deep breath and found another Florist, they were very nice, it doesn't help though when you can hear them crying when you read out what you want put on the card.

I hate that I can only send him flowers, but they are sent with all of my heart and each time I send them another piece of me dies, I'm not trying to be melodramatic, or after sympathy from anyone who does read this, writing down my emotions helps me, a lot of the time I can't talk to anyone about them, I did try to reach Tye who is my 'rock' and keeps me going, but he is unavailable, life is just so cruel and I know I always say this, but at this moment in time I have let go of my self control and my heart feels like its being smashed to pieces, I will pull myself together I always do, there isn't another option, but for the moment life has ended.